Co-Parenting Tips: A Friendly, Practical Guide from a Central Florida Family Law Divorce Attorney
Divorce dissolves a marriage, not a family. Across Central Florida courthouses, mediators’ offices, and playground drop-offs, the gold standard after separation is cooperative co-parenting.
In case cooperative co-parenting is a foreign or new concept to you, cooperative co-parenting is an arrangement where parents communicate openly and keep their child’s daily life as predictable and loving as possible.
Research shows that only about a quarter of former couples reach the level of cooperation and communication that comes with co-parenting. Unfortunately, most families settle into “parallel parenting,” running two low-conflict but largely independent households, and roughly one-fifth remain locked in chronic dispute. Understanding which category you fit today is the first step toward designing something better for tomorrow.
What Is Co-Parenting, and How Does Parallel Parenting Differ?
Co-parenting means child-centered decision-making. Even when parents are no longer a couple, they stay on the same team, exchanging information freely and presenting a united front to their children.
Parallel parenting, by contrast, acknowledges that ongoing communication may trigger conflict; parents keep interactions to essential logistics only, often through written apps or e-mail, while still providing nurturing homes. Both models can work, but a smooth co-parenting relationship tends to give kids the emotional equivalent of two strong safety nets, whereas parallel parenting protects them by limiting friction points.
Although you probably do not need a definition, High-conflict parenting, we as lawyers actually have several definitions of high-conflict parenting ranging from Bill Eddy’s pattern based approach of blaming others, all-or-nothing thinking, unmanages or intense emotions, and extreme or disproportionate behavior to the AFCC (Association of Family & Conciliation Courts) practice definition of parents “engaged in intractable, ongoing conflict that intensifies after separation rather than diminishing.”
As a divorce attorney lawyer, we define High-conflict parenting as occurring when separated or divorced parents stay locked in a long-running cycle (often lasting years) of intense blame, rigid all-or-nothing thinking, and surging emotions that drive extreme, hostile behavior. Because the conflict never cools, they repeatedly battle over even minor issues (sometimes in court), try to control or block the other parent’s time with the children, and create ongoing stress that hurts everyone, especially the children.
Speak Your Child’s Language
No two children process divorce the same way. It is important to stay in tune to your child’s needs and feelings. Try periodic pulse checks by asking and listening to the following question “Tell me what worries you most right now.”
When a child voices fears, or anxiety validate those feelings with “of course you feel nervous before switching houses.” Dismissing your child’s fears will be counterproductive. Explain the current situation in age-appropriate metaphors. Bonus points if you go over this speech with your ex and both of you give your child a consistent and age-appropriate message. This empathy calms your child’s defensiveness and opens the door to cooperation. It also reduces the likelihood that your child will pick up on any emotional cues or feelings of negativity that you may subconsciously harbor as you try to navigate the waters of being a parent alone.
Build Child-Centered Routines They Can’t Wait to Follow
As a child, I remember using an atlas to plan out our trip path to avoid certain predictable obstacles and to develop a consensus that made sure that everyone knew where to go and what time to be there. I would painstakingly trace and then write out each road, highway and stop to make sure that we knew when to get gas, when to get food and make sure that everyone was on time.
Think of a Parenting Plan as your family’s Google Maps. When expectations are set and routes are made (think color-coded calendars on the fridge, regular FaceTime calls on non-timesharing nights, similar rules and routines) then you stop wondering how to react to your coparent and you begin focusing on plans r child will stop asking “Where am I sleeping?” and start looking forward to Saturday’s fishing trip with Dad.
Narrate successes aloud: “You seemed so proud after Mom coached your soccer drills last week.” Research indicates that storytelling allows your child to connect each house with positive experiences and chips away at any alienating messages your child might hear from other third parties.
Set Boundaries That Keep Everyone Safe and Sane
Florida Statute § 61.13 presumes that frequent, meaningful contact with both parents benefits children. However, the caveat is that frequent, meaningful contact with both parents benefits children only when parents facilitate one another’s relationship. That means:
- Business-style communication. Use the BIFF method (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm) in texts or co-parenting apps. See Bill Eddy for more information about the BIFF method. I love this book so much that everyone in my office has a copy and I frequently give my copy out to clients in need. NOTE. I am in no way affiliated with Billy Eddy nor do I receive a cut of his profits. After practicing family law for more than a decade and trying hundreds of cases, I have found that his insights are helpful and powerful inside and outside the courtroom.
- Zero bad-mouthing. Speaking negatively about your ex in front of the kids teaches disrespect and chips at their self-worth. It also complicates your child’s internal views about you, the other parent, and their role/responsibility for the family’s conflict.
- Flexibility with purpose. Swapping weekends for a school play shows teamwork, yet sticking to agreed schedules gives children stability. Be reasonable. Not every weekend should be swapped and your child should know when and where they are going to see their parents.
When boundaries are clear and consistently enforced, everyday frustrations rarely escalate into courtroom battles.
When Co-Parenting Falters and Course Corrections
As I mentioned before, I have seen a lot of things over the years. Not every family will experience all of these situations, but many will see one or two of these situations.
Schedule tug-of-wars. Vague plans breed resentment (especially during the holidays). While your family may be going through a peaceful transition at the moment, as time goes on and people enter into new relationships and marriages, schedule conflicts occur. I recommend that you tighten the language in your Parenting Plan with exact exchange times, exchange locations, holiday rotations and log every change in a shared calendar (like a Google Calendar or Apple Calendar). Keep in mind that you and your ex can always choose to temporarily modify the Parenting Plan in the future, but you will likely not have the same openness to modifying the entire Parenting Plan to accommodate your new family dynamic in the future.
Child refusals. A common question I receive is, “when is my child old enough to decide not to go over to mom/dad’s home.” My answer is always the same, “at 18.” Until then, you are under a court order to cooperate and ensure that your child is spending time with the other parent. Kids caught in loyalty conflicts sometimes balk at transitions. Both parents must reassure them it is safe and encouraged to love the other household. Family therapists or reunification counselors can help reset trust.
Expense skirmishes. Unexpected medical bills or extracurricular fees ignite anger. Spell out percentage splits, due dates, and payment methods in writing. Auto-pay tools inside co-parenting apps like OurFamilyWizard and Talking Parents remove the emotion from the money. Also, even if your Parenting Plan does not require permission before incurring the expense, a little bit of common courtesy can go a long way to avoiding these fights.
Relitigation loops. Dragging the other parent to court for every misstep drains finances and goodwill. Insert mandatory mediation or parenting-coordination clauses (common in Florida parenting plans) before either side files a motion. Judges appreciate parents who solve problems proactively.
How the Right Central Florida Family Law Divorce Attorney Can Help (Not Hurt) Your Co-Parenting Relationship
A good Central Florida Family Law Divorce Attorney wears more hats than just that of a litigator. We draft parenting plans tailored to either cooperative parenting or parallel parenting realities, coach clients on BIFF-style emails and communications, and connect families to mental-health professionals before resentment calcifies and advocate for boundaries and solutions that help the family. Early intervention from a trained family law divorce attorney saves your family more than just money. We believe that one session with one of our lawyers can prevent years of conflict by setting reasonable expectations and helping you chart a path to success.
As you prepare for your divorce consultation, here are a few things that you can keep in mind. Lawyers charge for time. (Almost) any Divorce Attorney that you meet with will charge you more for a trial than they will to get you an amicable divorce. Litigation fees that might have funded a college savings plan instead pay for experts and attorney’s fees.
So, the more effective you can co-parent, the more money you save. The more money you save on attorney’s fees, the more money you can invest in your child’s future. The more money you invest in your child’s future, the more successful your child will be years after the divorce is over.
Your Action Plan to Create Win-Win Solutions
- Self-audit. Are you cooperative, parallel, or high-conflict today? Use honesty and take a look at how you choose to communicate with your ex. Are you doing everything you can to co-parent? Could you do better about keeping the other parent informed? The best part is, if you are sincerely trying to co-parent and it doesn’t work – then you have given your attorney some excellent facts to bring to the judge. A true, Win-Win situation.
- Challenge Yourself and Pick one Improvement. After our office read Atomic Habits by James Clear, we have become obsessed with getting 1% better every day. Now that you have conducted your self-audit finds something that you want to improve on as a co-parent. Maybe that’s installing a joint calendar, or agreeing to respond to messages within 24 hours. Whatever it is, find something that you can focus on improving as a co-parent and do it. If you are not sure – see my comments in Action Plan Item #1 (this will help you create a Win-Win).
- Book professional support. Consider short-term co-parenting counseling or parenting coordination for instances when you and your co-parent simply cannot agree. A few weeks with a counselor or parenting coordinator can often unblock months of stalemate.
- Document your efforts. Judges see the difference between solution-seekers and score-keepers. Always be a solution-seeker and cover yourself by documenting your attempts to co-parent.
Closing Thoughts
I want to share one of my favorite memes that was circulating the internet a few years back. It shows mom and dad holding a little boy’s hand. It also shows step-dad and step-mom hand and hand. A true community of support for a young man. To me, this should be the goal. When you close your eyes and picture the future, I want you to see this meme as how you and your ex will be supporting your children.
Co-parenting success is less about being perfect and more about being purpose-driven. When parents in Central Florida focus on communication that is calm, child-centered, and legally sound, children flourish—and parents keep their emotional and financial resources intact. If you need guidance drafting (or rescuing) your parenting plan, reach out to a Family Law Divorce Attorney committed to making your family’s next chapter healthier, happier, and—yes—more affordable divorce solution.